Dad protests when parents babysit his sister's 6-year-old and 2-year-old weekly, but refuse to watch his kids more than twice a year: 'They are enjoying life and burning all their money'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Nov 21, 2024 6:00 PM EST

The saying "no man is an island" is never more true than when it comes to raising kids. All moms and dads need a break now and then, whether it is simply for their sanity or for practical reasons, such as going to work. For many parents, the first people they look to for babysitting duties are family members, but this can get complicated. Few enjoy the feeling that they are being taken for granted with their free childcare.

This seemed to be the problem for one set of grandparents who have never taken on many babysitting responsibilities for their son's children. On the contrary, they have been looking after his sister's kids once a week for six months as her daycare provider has been ill. The dad built up a lot of resentment towards them, but the internet wasn't 100% sure it was deserved. In these situations, context is everything.

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    Cheezburger Image 10431380992
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    AITA for expecting my parents to take care of my children?
    via familylifeschizo
  • 03
    Basically, it was always clear for my parents (50+) that they won't take care regularly for my (38M) children(3F 9M). They will pass time with them, if me or my wife is there too. Once or twice a year, they will accept to guard them as we go for 2 hour in a restaurant. Nothing more. We have a great relationship, we see us regulary, once a week, my house or theirs.
    via familylifeschizo
  • 04
    I always felt a bit disappointed in them. I do respect their choice, I don't really understand it. I get it, they want to be free, to not have an agenda >> and don't want any responsibility with great children. They are both rich and in early retirement, enjoying life and burning all their money, good for them.
    via familylifeschizo
  • 05
    We had an argument the other day, because they told me they are taking care of my sister's (42F) kids (2M, 6F), each Tuesday for the last 6 months and continue doing so, because it's an emergency (their primary guard option is ill). I pointed out that 6 month isn't an emergency anymore and that I found it unfair that they look for my sister's child regularly but absolutely refuse for mine.
    via familylifeschizo
  • 06
    IATA ? I feel like I can be happy my children have a great relationship with them, but I am the one looking that they have time togheter, it is actually very demanding to me... they never ask to come for dinner or to have us, it is always me, except for Christmas. At the same time, I feel I have very little support from them. I would accept it, but the fact that my sister child gets the support regulary made me angry and it clashed. I feel like they owe me support with my children, as grandparen
    via familylifeschizo
  • 07
    CrewelSummer INFO: Have you had a frank conversation with your parents about this? One where you let them know you're prepared to hear hard things? Because we had a very similar situation in my family, and I can tell you the issue was that one family's kids were far better behaved than the other. My grandparents genuinely did not have the energy to watch Aunt X's kids for more than a few hours because those kids were high energy and low discipline. Whereas Aunt Y's kids were welcome basically wh
    via CrewelSummer
  • 08
    familylifeschizo OP Could be an option, thanks for the insight.
    via familylifeschizo
  • 09
    woodland_dweller My guess is that it's either a thing with the kids, or a thing with you. Probably not easy to hear. Hope you can work it out.
    via woodland_dweller
  • 10
    KogiAikenka Or with his wife. Sometimes paternal grandparents avoid this because it can be troublesome with boundaries etc with the mom.
    via KogiAikenka
  • 11
    blueeyedwolff You had the kids. They are your responsibility. I can understand being a little annoyed they will take care of your sister's kids and not yours, but you are leaving a LOT out. Are your kids bratty? Do they break things, talk back, refuse to listen? Regardless, YTA for EXPECTING your parents to take care of your kids. They are under ZERO obligation to babysit for you. You sound entitled and bratty.
    via blueeyedwolff
  • 12
    Ducky818 YTA just for saying that your parents "owe" you to take care of your kids. You had them. You take care of them. It may look uneven to you and not what you wanted but it is their choice. If they miss out on things with your kids, that is their loss. And please note that as people age, looking after kids, especially younger ones, is exhausting. More exhausting than it is for you. So wanting your parents to take on your kids at all seems entitled and to add them to what your parents are al
    via Ducky818
  • 13
    ididithooray To be fair, I don't think that childcare is the issue. The issue is that all the effort for his kids to have a relationship with their grandparents has been on him. He is the one arranging weekly get togethers. He doesn't feel the same way as they do about wanting to be with grandkids, but he accepts that it's their choice. Now though he finds out they are willing to be with their other grandkids alone, and it's making OP bitter. I think it's actually about more than babysitting, bu
    via ididithooray
  • 14
    Notorious_Rug YTA. Your children, your responsibility. If your parents want to only watch your sister's children, that is their right. Outside of raising you to adulthood, ensuring you were loved, fed, had a roof over your head, had access to healthcare when needed, etc., they owe you nothing, once you reach adulthood, regardless of their financial status. Perhaps they are more willing to watch your sister's children because they secretly find your children to be more than they can handle. I mea
    via Notorious_Rug
  • 15
    Motherinsomnia23 My grandparents were basically my 2nd home growing up but they hate watching my aunts bratty kids. Could be the behavior.
    via Motherinsomnia23
  • 16
    Lunar-Eclipse0204 - YTA - They are done raising children, that's the joy of grandchildren they get to spoil them for a short time then they are back with mom and dad. Your parents don't owe you free childcare (they don't guard your children). Your sister might be paying them even, you are wanting free care.
    via Lunar-Eclipse0204
  • 17
    bookishmama_76 NTA - my former MIL always watched my nephews but never babysat mine. When we asked she would claim that she was too tired after watching the boys. She has not had a relationship with my kids since my oldest graduated from high school when she chose to see my youngest nephew "progress" from middle school to high school instead of attending my son's high school graduation. She even had the audacity to ask him to bring his cap & gown when he saw her next so they could get a pic with
    via bookishmama_76
  • 18
    Recent_Data_305 My ILs never favored my husband, and therefore our children were not the favorites. We work in healthcare. One year we both had to work Christmas Eve. I had no choice but to ask them to watch them until I got off work. I came home on Dec 23rd to a message that she couldn't keep our kids because BIL had dropped his off and left. (BIL didn't work). After scrambling to get someone to watch them, I never asked them again. Fast Forward - Our kids are grown and are succeeding in life,
    via Recent_Data_305
  • 19
    Moral of the story - Your parents do not love your children the way you want them to. It's not the kids' fault, nor is it yours. Your parents are missing out. Nothing you do or say will change how they feel. Expect nothing from them, and you'll find yourself happy when they show a little interest. You could wait for them to wake up and change, but don't hold your breath - you might suffocate. People can't give what they don't have. Yours don't want to be active grandparents for your children. Yo
    via Recent_Data_305
  • 20
    laughinglovinglivid YTA. Your children are your responsibility; your parents aren't obligated to provide free childcare to you, and it's incredibly entitled of you to think they should, whether they do it for your sister or not.
    via laughinglovinglivid
  • 21
    Kayhowardhlots I'm going to bet that this isn't about the grandkids. It sounds like you have felt, probably for awhile,that you don't matter as much to your parents as your sister and that they don't treat y'all the same. No judgement but you probably need to have a long conversation with your parents.
    via Kayhowardhlots
  • 22
    BeautifulParamedic55 I get being frustrated, but sometimes equal doesnt mean fair. If your sister is in a bad spot and NEEDS the help and you only WANT the help, well then she gets it. If the situation was reversed and you NEEDED the help, you would be frustrated if you couldnt get it because sibling WANTED it.
    via BeautifulParademic55
  • 23
    Faster ThanNewts They don't owe you their time but guess what? You don't owe them yours either. I'd be ped and would stop reaching out. They've made their feelings for your kids known and that's very hurtful. NTA
    via FasterThanNewts
  • 24
    Proud-Doctor1500 It's one of my greatest fears that my son will have a kid and try and leave it with me all the time. I'm done raising kids. I see it happening to my sister. I would babysit occasionally but I would be scared of it building up or being expected
    via Proud-Doctor1500
  • 25
    Old-Arachnid1907 The dynamic is very one sided and to their benefit; you and your kids are convenient company to keep them from feeling lonely, but only on their terms. It all seems rather dismissive and cold-hearted. Did they never have help from their parents when you were little? I know others are telling you the opposite, but I think your feelings are valid. NTA.
    via Old-Arachnid1907
  • 26
    Rayonjersey YTA. I assume if you were in a similar situation they would do it for you. That's not unequal treatment. But you are not in a similar situation. You are healthy and can take care of your own children. They never promised you anything. But, you can only control your own actions. So, if you consider this treatment unequal, and you really believe it's unfair, then stop making efforts with your parents. You take time out of your day to entertain them with you children. Use that time for
    via Rayonjersey
  • 27
    familylifeschizo OP I do not want to separate me or my children from them as I do love them.
    via familylifeschizo

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